thing 1: my friends and I went to the temporary tattoo parlor today
thing 2: is that right?
thing 1: yeah. as soon as we found the designs we wanted, the store merely collapsed in a heap of rubble.
thing 2: ah, cuz it was a "temporary" tattoo parlor
thing 1: no, because some gay milkman was forcefully masturbating a dead raccoon, lost control of his truck and drove right through the front door.
thing 2: ah, a classic tale of revenge. you know what they say "art imitates life" ......
thing 1: what the hell does that mean, my friends are all dead!!!
thing 2: but you did get some sweet tattoos, did you not??
thing 1: yeah, and a half pound of raccoon semen
thing 2: sweet. midnight snack... what tattoo did you get
thing 1: I got like 3 of em.... one was a scorpion and another was barbed wire
thing 2: YES!!!
thing 1: also got an eagle head on my arm and a dragon on my back
thing 2: dude, I bet you looked just like chuck norris.
thing 1: nah, more like sellick....but they're gone now
thing 2: what?!??! WHY THE HELL DID YOU REMOVE THEM?!?!?!? Not just anybody can be Sellick!!
thing 1: nobody told me not to bathe in mineral oil after applying them.
thing 2: why the hell would somebody tell you that? normal people don't bathe in mineral oil
thing 1: yeah, but I have to or my flesh will begin to rot again.
thing 2: oh.
thing 1: its a terrible thing when products can't have a warning label listing everything that could ever possibly go wrong with the product.
thing 2: like a toaster oven that suggests "phallic entry of toaster is strongly advised against. however, do so at your own risk. and hey, just have fun!"
thing 1: yeah, or books!!!!!!
thing 2: sorry, I don't follow
thing 1: slamming your phallicator in a book is not recommended either, but there's no label. it made for a very disappointing and slightly melodramatic family reunion.