Tape Children?

Thing 1: dude, father's day is my favorite holiday!!!!!! its soooo rewarding and fantastic
Thing 2: yup
Thing 1: plus, i get all sorts of presents... like a blender and some corn
Thing 2: ?
Thing 1: i have caring children... sorta
Thing 2: i suppose so
Thing 1: i can't believe the little fellas are like 12 now or some shit
Thing 2: yah, me niether
Thing 1: people said "don't have kids, you're only 11" and i was like "don't tell me what to do, chevron clerk!!!"
Thing 1: so i had two kids the same year
Thing 1: sure they're both made of tape and gum wrappers, but they're family to me
Thing 2: what the fuck?
Thing 1: if you ball up enough tape, it starts looking sorta like a kid after a while
Thing 1: their names are Petey and McChesterbury
Thing 2: eh, really?
Thing 1: yeah
Thing 2: would electrical tape work?
Thing 1: only if you want the kid to have an ethnic feel
Thing 2: wow
Thing 1: its pretty complicated ...
Thing 1: making children from tape and gum wrappers is no walk in the park
Thing 1: but, i guess you already knew that
Thing 2: I can imagine
Thing 1: i just wanted a happy fathers day alright.. so i tried to make some kids out of tape
Thing 1: when i was finished, they didn't repsect me
Thing 2: I made a spork person
Thing 2: Asian Midget Dan
Thing 2: he's adopted
Thing 1: oh... wow
Thing 2: he respects my authority
Thing 1: mine are little hellions
Thing 2: damn hellions