My name is chagmar

Thing 2: Hey, asshole, your part of the rent is due.

Thing 1: Dude, don't mess with me on new deoderant day.

Thing 2: What's that?

Thing 1: Well, I got a new stick of deoderant, and I'm happy as can be. Don't ruin it.

Thing 2: What's so great about deoderant?

Thing 1: Nah man, "NEW DEODERANT". Not only is it a new stick, but its also a new brand. This stuff smells so good, I'll probably quit wiping altogether.

Thing 2: Altogether? As opposed to what?

Thing 1: WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT, DICKWEED!!

Announcer "its so good, you never have to wipe again"

*rashes and irritation may occur. consult physician

Announcer "also try our 2-in-1 Tooth & Taint Brush"