ODE TO PORN
Music/lyrics: Hoernlein

It’s Friday night, and if I don’t get laid
It’s all right, I’ll just rent a tape
And when I get home, I make sure the door is locked
Pop in the tape, and then I grab an old sock
Because sometimes, you got to play with yourself
But it’s ok, cause it don’t hurt anyone else
Some think it’s wrong, but I’m only human
It’s not weird at all, I’m just practicing

If you have no one else
Or when you get bored
You always have yourself
You got to love porn
You got to love porn

There’s a girl that I’m trying to seek
Then she’ll be the one, who gets to play with my meat
I know, I’m not the only one
When you’re alone, you want a little fun
If you touch yourself, you will not go blind
My eyes are great, and I do it all of the time
It’s always safe sex, so what’s wrong with that?
It’s better than settling for a girl who’s really fat

If you have no one else
Or when you get bored
You always have yourself
I open the magazine
I get to look at her
Sometimes she’s looking back at me
You got to love porn
You got to love porn

Every time I go out and I strike out
I have something waiting at home for me
Every time I go out and I strike out
I have something waiting at home for me a DVD
And she’s looking at, looking at me
-Repeat Chorus-
I’m gonna by me some porn
And use it for what it’s for
When there’s no one else around
There’s nothing wrong with your hand going down