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Beta Charles: A Legend Amongst Legends A compilation of facts about Beta Charles, used in the making of this documentary. Newly found factoids are listed first. Each paragraph represents a specific factoid about Beta Charles. These are clearly not in chronological or gynecological order, so consider each paragraph as a separate situation. As we collect more information, we should be able to lay it all out in order, to better weave the tale of the mystery that has shrouded this legend for centuries. Beta Charles crossed paths with the law again, in June of 1976, when his fly-by-night lawn mowing service was called into question, regarding the desecration of graves at a cemetery. The desecration, which took the form of the brutal savage rape of the rotting carcass of John Denver, and others, was highly publicized and debated over for several months. The alleged incident happened in Colorado, a state famous for its "Whoops" law. A law in which you are pardoned from any crime, IF you remember to say "Whoops" within a reasonable amount of time. The "Reasonable amount of time" is determined by the alleged perpetrator. Due to the popularity of this case, Beta Charles was offered a role as the host of a children's show on ABC, which he declined. Beta Charles' heroin dealer refused to comment on the decision. A friend to animals as a young boy in the late 1980s, Beta Charles wanted nothing more than to be a veterinarian, but his insatiable longing for heroin kept him out of the more desirable schools, causing him to teach himself veterinary medicine, without the use of books or teachers. He was determined to learn it by himself, without outside help of any kind. He set out with a scalpel and some ammonia and returned nearly a decade later, covered in blood, with a new vigor for life. With 2 platinum and 3 gold albums under his belt by the late 70s, Beta Charles was fast on his way to legendary status. Beta Charles' reputation was briefly hindered, in 1983, when he sent the school bus he was driving plummeting to its doom in the icy depths of the the artic sea. The entire busload of cub scouts perished while his life was spared. He shrugged it off as one of life's many complications due to using heroin on the job, and promised not to do it again. The judge was satisfied and let him go with the punishment of one stern glare. People soon forgot this tragedy when Beta Charles held a magnificent birthday party for himself at his lush Hollywood estate. The parents of the deceased did not attend. Some folks questioned why he held the party on the same day as the children's' memorial, which was not the date of his birth. No formal conclusions were made. After that, Beta Charles was never heard from again. While news of his disappearance shocked us all, no one was available for questioning. Especially Beta Charles. A candle light vigil would've been held to commemorate the loss of Beta Charles, but nobody thought of it. The legend of the disappearance Beta Charles has circulated through the homes of Americans for nearly 16 decades. This film seeks to continue that tradition if only by illuminating some of the lesser known facts about Beta Charles, and by getting the insight of people who knew him, people who only wish they had known him, and by people who wished they gave a rats ass about some dude they've never heard of. As well as the Jews.
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